All of the stories in the media and the 25,000 National Guard members who have been activated for the inauguration.... it brings one thing to the front of my mind. My mother.
My husband and I were in bed. The kids had been in bed for hours. It was almost midnight. ... and my phone was ringing. Jesus, it was my mother.
I remember laying there, rolling my eyes and thinking, "She'll go away. Just ignore it. Go back to sleep."
Yeah, boy, was I was wrong. Next, she was banging on my front door. I'm talking an all out police knock. BANG. BANG. BANG.
I got up and went to the living room to peek out the door. Oy, she looked angry. Nope, not opening that!
I went back into my bedroom and called her, "Mom it's almost midnight. What do you want?"
"I came to pick up M."
Here we goooo. I knew this wasn't going to end well but I had to put my foot down.
"No, mom. It's almost midnight and she is asleep. I am not waking her up."
Cue the yelling and demands. Uh- uh. Not doing this. I hung up on her.
Release the Kraken, I did!
The banging on the door got louder and more insistent. No sure how this woman had so much strength. She spent every waking second talking about how much her body hurt and how soon she was going to die.
At this point, the husband is completely awake and pissed. I don't blame him. The time to get up for work was right around the corner and crazy mama was relentless.
When she finally stopped banging on the door, I thought, "HA! Thank you!"
That's when the texts started pouring in.
"Erin Mechelle, I am off the next few days and I want M to stay with me."
"Erin Mechelle, open this door!"
"What is wrong with you?"
"It's not like you want her anyway."
"You are just trying to punish me."
"I'm calling child services. You are such a horrible mother. Wake her up and send her out!"
I sent her a text back. I can't remember exactly what I said but I am pretty sure it was something similar to "Fuck off"... but nicely. After all, I didn't want to make things worse.
That's when she threatened to call the National Guard. Yup, she threatened to call in the military. ... . because I wouldn't wake my child up at midnight. I was stunned, staring at the phone and laughing hysterically.
The National Guard?? Mom. come on! This woman really was insane!
When we moved to this house, we never told Mom where it was. She had driven around, talked to family, and was hell bent on finding us. One day, the girls went with their dad to the store and my mother saw them. She questioned them about our new house and tried to get every clue she could. The girls were young and the house was new... they didn't know the address. Their father wasn't going to tell her either. He was great at playing dumb. I am pretty sure she followed them when they left the store.
This is what she did every time we moved. There was no escaping her. No matter how many times I tried to cut ties... she always forced her way back in. She would wear me down and I would always give in and let her back into our lives. She could be just as nice as she was nasty. And who doesn't want to believe their mother actually wants to change? Who doesn't want to take every chance possible to have a "real" mother. Her promises to change never lasted long.
This time...this time was different. I was done. I was fed up and feeling stronger than ever. I petitioned the court for a restraining order.
While the judge did reprimand my mother in the courtroom that day, he didn't seem to think an order of protection was necessary.
"You get to choose who is in your life and in your children's lives", is what he said to me.
I was no nervous and so fearful of my mother, I didn't do a very good job of expressing the extent of her crazy. Or proving it. Clearly, the judge didn't understand .... if I lost this battle, she was really going to make me pay.
I will never forget the look on my mother's face in that courtroom. I will never forget just how pissed she looked. Those same looks of disgust she gave me as a child... yup, it was written all over her face. I was a horrible child. I could read her thoughts as if they were being broadcast across her forehead.
Disloyal. Brat. How dare you! How could you? I can't believe you would treat me like this. There is something seriously wrong with you. After all I have done for you. After I had to deal with you your whole life. This is how you repay me?
That was, in a nut shell, the things she would always say to me when I dared to stand up for myself... I mean, defy her almighty highness. ((Eye roll))
Seriously though?? The National Guard? I should have called the National Guard on her! The thing I remember the most was fear. I was afraid of her. She had been so good at manipulating me.. what if she really did call Child Services? What if she did convince them I was horrible? Why would anyone believe me if I said I wasn't horrible?
Long term abuse conditions you. It trains your mind to align with the abuser. It teaches you to be submissive and subservient to your abuser. You don't question them. You don't dare defy them. You would never consider going against them. That's their goal and they are good at it.
The mistake I made in court that day was counting on the judge to save me. I was too scared to realize I could save myself. All I had to do was believe... I am worthy of saving.