When abuse is suffered, there is a lot that happens deep down. Emotions, beliefs, and habits are ingrained in the very depths of our souls. Fears of "what-if". False beliefs of unworthiness. That negative self talk is a killer. It changes who we are and shapes who we will become. It *literally* rewires our brains way of communicating with itself.
Healing from these traumas isn't easy and it takes a bit of work on our end. Okay, a lot a bit of work on our end. We have to disconnect some of those wires and reroute them. Some times it feels impossible. Some weeks, it feels like a remodel that will never end.
The truth is, the fight may never end. Instead, our angles of attack get better. Our souls get stronger. Our defense gets bolder. Our punches get stronger and quicker. Our blocks become impenetrable. We have built the framework for success by building on the skills needed for self healing.
Faith. Hope. Self worth. Positive self talk. Healthy habits. Courage. FEARLESSNESS.
We have already braved some of the worst things most could only ever imagined. And we BEAT IT. We SURVIVED.
We were already strong and brave and courageous in the face of the devil. Isn't it about time we realized that? Isn't it about time we notice just how amazing we are? Shouldn't we recognize ourselves for the strength we've already displayed? Aren't you going to acknowledge the powers you hold within?
These are the very things our abusers tried to take away. Our strength. Our courage. The positive beliefs we hold within ourselves. Those are our super powers.
At one point in my life, I realized I had to make a decision. I could either (A) continue the abuse for them by telling *myself*, I was worthless, weak, stupid.... or (B) I could put an end to it right then and there by stopping myself from believing those things.
I would think to myself,
"What makes those crazy people right and this crazy person (me) wrong? Who gave them the power to decide what I am or who I am?! NO ONE. I am in charge of me. I am in charge, damn it! God gave ME life."
I began to kick out each and every bad thought that tried to enter my mind. In the beginning, it was one after another after another.
I built a door with a lock that only I had the key to. And I stuck a backup key in my bra cuz, you know, a girl has *got* ta be pruh-pared!
I began to choose what and who I let in. I threw out every thought, thing, and person that brought any negativity into my life. A bit excessive? Sure. But I had to show myself that I truly had the power. I had to see it. I had to believe it. I had to stop fearing what *may* come and I had to KNOW... I could and would defend myself from whatever did come.
There is a big difference between building a door and building a wall. It's mindset, and, if we learned anything from firearms training... it's what? Mindset is 90% of the fight.
Building a wall says you don't trust yourself enough to choose what comes into your life. A door, well, that just shows you know and believe with every thing you have... *you* are in absolute control.
Remember those super powers our abusers didn't want us to know about? Faith in ourselves. Courage to charge into battle. Strength to finish the fight. They were in me all along. They are in you too. But, just like in all of our favorite magical childhood movies.... We have to believe.